ajc..damn it place

haiz..
feeling v down now..
failed my napfa again..today..
damn it standing broad jump..feel so helpless..
ive already did my best..and yet i still cant jump beyong 150cm..
and the teacher was like.."y do u come for retest? u are jux wasting my time"..
u tink i wan de meh..i oso wish that i can jump far..
and so..i need to go for trainings and retests during the hols..
the stupid dates and times...

28 May 2007 (Mon) - 3pm to 4.30pm
30 May 2007 (Wed) - 3pm to 4.30pm
4 June 2007 (Mon) - 3pm to 4.30pm
6 June 2007 (Wed) - 3pm to 4.30pm
11 June 2007 (Mon) - 8.30am to 10am
13 June 2007 (Wed) - 8.30am to 10am

feel so reluctant..tot i could make use of the hols to study and play..
and now.. everything's gonna change..
all because of NAPFA...
and is like 3pm? im gg to be chao ta liao lo..

k..second thingy.. college tests..
pple around me all passed their test with flying colours..
but me..failed like shit la..
and i feel so inferior and sad k..
its jux that i didnt show only..
i studied like wad others did..even more than them..
yet thats the result i gt.. feel so not worth it lo..
my sleep and time seemed like becum wasted le..
start to feel so scared, stress and helpless and depressed..
it not that no one ones to help me la..
jux feel helpless lo..
in class..im like so confused and irritated..
cux i cant understand wad the teacher is toking about..
and will b like so scared that the teacher will call me to answer his or her qn..
ya..scared..thats wad im feeling now..

and CCA..
feel like quiting CO la..
i cant stand the system..
the seniors and exco jux didnt care for our welfare..
we are not machines..dun u tink that practising everyday till late nite is too much?
i need to rest and study too..
and stop cuming out with last minute stuffs..
is so damn spastic can..
u j2 wan a concert then go hold urself..y pull down the poor juniors to suffer with u guys?
and pple there are so wad la..
dun tink u are in committe or our sectional leader then big la..u dun have the right to lecture us or wad..
and ur expression and tone that day jux made me wanna slap and kick u in the face..
and then win liao lo..im not in exco..
be a member for another year? dun tink my SGC will look any better.. =X

till now..i dun enjoyed my life v much in ajc la..
im jux overwhelmed by the tonnes of hmwk and CCA..
there seems to be nothing for me to look forward to sch..
the sch is so old, teachers so strict, seriously deprived of sleep, stress from hmwk etc..
and then every morning still need to squeeze mrt with pple..
then at nite then reached home..
i hate that feeling lo...really hate la..
missed the days in aiss when everyday seemed so wonderful for me...
if time can reverse..i realy wish to go bac to the past..
even if i have to take O's again.. im willing to..
dun understand y pple sae jc life is the best..

*weep* =..(
i jux feel so sad and sore la..
feel like a loser and idiot..
i duno y everything jux seemed to oppose my wishes and doesnt run well for me..
my friends all are so "succcessful" in term of academic and CCA..
then me leh.. always so insignificant and useless..
i hate myself..